Dj's Blog

April 25, 2006

2006-04-25T14:04:00.001-07:00

This poem was sent to j by a friend who said that it had an uncanny resemblence to someone she knows.

She is the One

She steals the very last thought on my mind,and runs with the words I wanted to say.She reveals the very last thing I thought I'd find.She's so unexpected, and takes my breath away...She holds the key to everything that's mysterious,and she knows it's what keeps me up at night.She unfolds bit by bit, just to keep me curious...Yet she remains an angel in startled flight.She knows that her silence speaks soft like a whisper...Leaving chills down the center of my painted back.She grows in my thoughts to the point where I miss her.When she's gone I can almost taste the panic attack.She tries to open up what's locked deep within,and release the strains of past memories.She cries from the frustration of where she's been,and the sight of things that no one else sees.She needs to know that I am always here for her even though she never asked me for my help...She bleeds silently, weeping from being so unsureof her destiny or how she'll free herself...

Copyright ©2004 Michael Andreas Beckham

Sent by J

April 12, 2006

2006-04-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

Well, today I am somewhat, unofficially older. I refuse to take responsibility for the age, but I do take responsibility for myself, and my actions..and with your knowing that I say...get ready for the rest of my life. I am not going to sit today, of all days, and sulk that I have no fucking family. I have two fantastic kids, and Man I absolutely adore, who seems to be not only my soulmate, but the best thing that has happened to me since my kids were born, and his wonderful son. I have my health, which fluctuates from time to time, but all in all life is great, spectacular even. So why am I writing this blog today, if what Iam about to do is not sulk. I am not sure really, I guess I just want to get a lot of my chest, so I do not have to carry it around all day. WHY WHY WHY do they insist on playing the victim? Why do they see my life as being theirs, and theirs to live as they see fit. I am me...for the first time in my life..fully, truly me, and they refuse to acknowledge that, refuse to be a part of it all. I hate them for what they have chosen to do to me...to leave me out of their messed up lives. I hate them for abandoning me at a time I needed them most. I hate them for pretending they are good parents, and that they have my best interests at heart. Its simply a sham, a lie that has been told over and over again, and I refuse to sit and listen to it any longer. Today I am allowing myself to move past this because I need to do it if I want to succeed. I know I can't get rid of them, and I know they, from time to time, will slip back into my existance, but I refuse to acknowledge the pain I feel because it is a pain that is foolish. The love was a myth for me, and now I see the pain in the same light. I am uncertain as to how I will accomplish this task I place before myself, but as so many have said, I can do anything. I believe that, I just wish I knew where to start. My children know that their grandparents, my parents are not nice people. They know they have not shared in my birthday for two years now...that hurts them, and I don't want my children seeing how it hurts me. This is for the best, for them, for me, for Master, and for our future. I wish there was a means of transportation that could take me away from all this hurt, and pain. I wish their was one word that I could whisper into their ears that could shed a little light for them that would dismiss them from my life. Parents....I refuse to be like them!!! I refuse to take on their beliefs and values, and their twisted ways. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I hate them. Move past it if you can I constantly tell myself. Not sleeping from time to time because they are in my mind. I'm not wondering how they are doing. I am not wondering if they are ill, or growing older. I am wondering if they ever think of me. If it hurts them to know they walked away. If it shatters their world to know they had one daughter, and only one who they could call j. I hate it when I'm sick that in my mind I call out for my mommy to take care of me. She was never there for me. She took on the responsibility, the role, but she was never truly there, not for me. She was there for herself, the recognition, the pat on the back for raising me. To everyone I was a great daughter. She talked me up to everyone, but in the shadows I was nothing, and never would be anything. I still hear the words, " you are nothing you will never be anything, and you will always need us". These are lies that I still believe from time to time. I am not sure why, perhaps it is because they were told to me so often. Perhaps it is because in my heart I know they are right, or perhaps it is because I know they are wrong. I know I will fight those haunting words til the day I die, but I will fight them as best I can. I will fight as I fight everything I've ever had. With the knowledge that I am and never will be anything like them. I made that promise to myself when I was young enough to know that it was wrong what they were saying to me, and I intend to keep that promise. For my sake, for my children's sake, and for the sake of my love for Master. Today I want to be free!!

Happy Birthday!

March 31, 2006

2006-03-31T01:07:00.000-08:00

Words of Wisdom #6

There is a time to let things happen, and a time to make things happen, why not start right now, and begin what you always dreamed for yourself. Its never too late to begin that journey.

#7

The more often a man feels without acting, the less he'll be able to act. And in the long run, the less he'll be able to feel. - C.S. Lewis

#8

For all sad words of tongue and pen,The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.
- John Greenleaf Whittier

#9

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung

#10

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, this time more wisely

March30, 2006

2006-03-30T22:02:00.000-08:00

Words of Wisdom # 6

Only those who will risk going too far
can possibly find out how far one can go.

T.S Eliot

j

March 7, 2006

2006-03-07T20:20:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy year so far. I'm on holidays this week and I have my son staying with me. Work is going well, a lot less stress since early January and I'm trying to reap the benifits of the reduced stress as long as I can. We (girly and I) went to a naughty pajama party on Friday, which was organized by our friend Jennifer at Libido Events. It was a good time!! They had a conference area rented in downtown Vancouver. There was 3 play rooms; one of which was a non impact room, ie} no heavy play; the second room was BDSM specific and offered a choice of some different equipment for binding , and or beating a willing victim. The third room was a sex room; five mattresses were set up on the floor with light sheers between each room for a shade of privacy. This room was for some of them a place where people could fuck to their hearts content. We chose a mattress in the middle of the floor and had some people watch us. A couple of guys got very close and one had to be asked to move away (voyeur activities were prohibited but it was difficult to enforce). All in all it was a fun evening as girly had a good size audience for her last orgasm and I actually got some congrats for her good time. (how's that for an ego boost!!).
We went fishing on Saturday, didn't get a bite, not even a mosquito bite but it was still a nice day. Sunday we went to the Outdoors Hunting and Fishing show in Abbotsford, where my son got very excited about falconry. In the evening when he phoned his mother I could hear her choke when we told herthat he wants a Harris Hawk (lol... mmmwwwwuuuuuuhhhhaaaaaaa) He's decided he wants to hunt with a hawk (and she's got cats). The saving grace is that he's only 9 and he has to be 18 to get a permit. I seem to have forgotten to tell her that (is that bad of me?...aw who cares if it is, it's fun). Honestly though he's excited about it. When I was in the Navy during the 80s I looked into it. We may have found a fellow who lives fairly close who will let us go out with him for a hunt. I figure once my son see's the prey up close he'll change his mind about hunting.
Went to Home Depot today to buy some paint and supplies, because only after 6 months girlie has decided to paint her kitchen and we have to prime it because she's going from a yellow to a red. We've got a fair amount of prep work to do, clean the wood from the last time we painted, as it seems we dripped or over painted a couple areas so it'll be a bit of work.
Anyway, that's about it. Things are good, girly's still a sweetheart, pretty as hell and eager to keep me happy, what more could I want?!

D

February 28, 2006

2006-02-28T14:05:00.000-08:00

A wish is not a wish until it is shared, or communicated in some way, even if it is only for the heavens to hear.

My "wish" would be that my Master write in this blog, atleast once per week. This would allow him to expressing his feelings, his desires, and his struggles, making them known to me, even when it is not about me.

Sometimes we cannot speak loudly enough for everyone to hear. Sometimes we cannot speak loud enough for even the person who sits next to us to hear. And sometimes the person who listens to our every word,and sits by us daily just can't hear what is spoken.

Talk to me Master, and I will show you how well I can listen.

I love you Master

j

February 22, 2006

2006-02-22T12:03:00.000-08:00

Words of Wisdom #5

With each error, each tragic mistake, each desperate plea for just one more chance, we learn who we are, what we can accept, what will effect us positively, what will effect us negatively. We learn about the depths of ourselves, what is in the heart of our hearts, and the deepest, darkest parts of our soul. We are learning about me, and you, and all those around us. We will survive...because we are feeling, and learning what it means to be human, and individual. I am grateful to learn, as you should be. Embrace it, and you'll see that life is never as bad as you think it is right this minute, and tomorrow is " just another day", of learning!

j

February 7, 2006

2006-02-07T12:42:00.000-08:00

Words of Wisdom #4

“Love is like a flower, and like the body, it needs constant feeding…
And with love, also, it cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love,
the manifestation of esteem and admiration
the expressions of gratitude
and the consideration of unselfishness.”

Spencer W. Kimball

j

February 2, 2006

2006-02-02T15:59:00.000-08:00

Words of Wisdom #3

When you're being personally fulfilled, the people in your life are happier as well. So stop telling yourself that you're making these sacrifices for everyone else's benefit. Get clear on your ambitions. Find your destiny.

j

January 31, 2006

2006-01-31T10:36:00.000-08:00

Words of Wisdom #2

Treat me with respect and you shall know a life of love, and admiration.
Love my flaws and you shall understand perfection
Desire only me, and you shall be rewarded with my desire
Seduce my mind and you may have my body
Find my soul and I am yours forever.

j

January 15, 2006

2006-01-15T11:38:00.000-08:00

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry and pick you up, and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone, and keep the competer off, and sit witrh you in the backyard, and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the icecream truck, and I will buy you one if it comes by.
Just for this afternoon I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon I will take us to Mc Donalds and buy us both a happy meal so you can have both toys. Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub, and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch, and count all the stars.
Just for this evening I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite shows.
Just for this evening when I run my fingers through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I think of the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and the mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, and a little longer. It is then that I will thank God for you and ask him for nothing, except one more day....

And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, and a little longer.
It is then that I will thank God for you and ask him for nothing, except one more day....

posted by j

January 13, 2006

2006-01-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

Words of Wisdom #1

Love is the emblem of eternity: it confounds all notion of time: effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end.

~ Germaine De Stael

Posted by j

Dec 30, 2005

2005-12-30T00:18:00.000-08:00

This will most likely be the last blog entry for 2005 on my part so to anyone who may read this, all the best in the new year.
Tonight j and I watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose, this movie was based on a true story. I'm not sure how much of it was factual if any but it was a damn spooky movie. Coming from a background in the Pentecostal Church and The Salvation Army possession wasn't a common thing. Yes I attended a Catholic Church in Victoria but again I didn't see any demonic activity but man this movie was amazing. If you get a chance to see it I'd recommend it.
My son's 9th birthday is on this weekend, New Years Eve to be exact, it's not a big deal for him right now being that special day but I bet when he's a teenager or in College he'll be reaping all the benifits of it he can.
Anyway, j and I are off to bed, Happy New Year everyone, and best of the season.

D

Dec 28, 2005

2005-12-28T13:12:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas was here and past, I'm a year older, the weather is cold and wet, the kids got lots of new toys, and I got spoiled.
One of the things j did to or for me was to wrap a gift to distract me from my real gift, she had this thing that looked like a fishing rod tube with a reel holder wrapped up and when I unwrapped it I found a Swiffer mop, j asked me if I got it and I said, "um, my domestic duties are slipping?". She asked me to help move a chair and opened up a little storage area and low and behold two bloody huge gifts wrapped were there. It was a big tool chest and a storage area on wheels. This is something I've never mentioned to her but always wanted. I've got a lot of tools and always ended up carrying them around in old beat up tool boxes. I got a lot of other great stuff as well but this was a biggy.
In the late summer early fall I took j fly fishing for salmon on the Vedder River. I lent her a fly rod and reel to use and gave her a very quick very poor lesson but she picked it up nicely and pretty much made me look like I taught her something. She had a great day and said she'd like to do it again. For Christmas I got j some slave bells on an anklet that she'd been asking for, I got her a new collar that has bling bling that says "slut" and a stained glass window etc etc, but I also got her a nice new trout fly rod of her own. We've already been talking about when we are going to go fishing and try it out.
One of the gifts I got my son was a cool miniature digital camera, my son actually picked it out for j but I got it for him because I new he'd been asking for a camera. As it turns out j got one for her son as well. Just a couple nights ago j and I decided to hook it up to the computer (it works as a web cam) and we went in search of another couple who wanted to go on cam and watch us while we watched them, we found a willing couple and we had amazing sex. We watched them and they watched us, it didn't take j long to be bobbing her head up and down on my cock, not long after that j asked for a spanking and the couple that was watching loved seeing that, it was so hot to see my hand print on her ass on the computer and know another couple was watching it. We ended up fucking like crazy and both of us had huge orgasms, we're planning on doing it again.

D

December 20th, 2005

2005-12-21T00:39:00.000-08:00

Tonight Master and I decided to go out and rent a movie. On the way back from getting the movie we saw a friends car at a local strip joint. We went in had a few drinks, talked to our friend, who is one of the gals who goes around giving massages to the fellas and chatted a bit. The music was really good, and things between Master and I were heating up quite a bit. I'm not sure who wanted who more, he or I. Anyway, to make a long story short, we decided to head home around midnight. Master, as always opened the door for me, I slipped inside, and got my seat belt on. When Master got in he quickly undid he pants, and told me to suck his cock, which I did, and love. He then put the car into drive and proceeded towards home as I continued to suck on his huge cock, which throbbed against my lips as I tried desperately to swallow him.(damn he is big). When we got over to the parkade, he pulled over along the alley way and told me to get into the back seat, which I did. I was told to take off my pants, which I did, and from that point on Master got into the back seat with me and I rode him until my legs couldn't stand it any longer. He then proceeded to open the window, which I was then told to stick my head out of while he fucked me hard and fast until he came in his little cum slut girly. I was in dreamland upon his climax, as I love to please my Master.
What an exceptionally fantastic evening. I'm not sure what is to happen now, perhaps watch a movie, perhaps go to sleep. It doesn't really matter what happens next, as I know Master and I will be going to bed with smiles on my face. Perhaps more myself than Master as I love to be on exhibit while i am being fucked!!!

sweet dreams

j

Dec 17, 2005

2005-12-17T21:17:00.000-08:00

Well the week before christmas is upon us and of course there is still much to do shopping wise. I find that I always tend to leave shopping until the last minute, part of it is planned. I figure the less there is to go through on the shelves the less there is to chose from and the choices end up being easier.

For my up coming birthday j got me "The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage" by Midori. We've been through the book and tried a couple of the positions and we really find a lot of enjoyment in it. I'm looking forward to learning more about it and of course practicing the positions.

Will try to keep things up dated more soon, as for now I'm lucky to get a few minutes at the computer as it is.

Blessings folks, happy solstice, Merry Christmas and happy holidays however you choose to celebrate.

D

December 9, 2005

2005-12-09T19:53:00.000-08:00

There is one thing in this life that i believe. I believe i have found my soul mate. He is my Master, my friend, my lover, my past, my present, and my future. He is my mentor, my guide, my today and my tomorrow. I cannot imagine a day without him, and i cannot imagine there ever was a day without him. I found the rest of my days with him, and for me that is enough!!

j

Dec 3, 2005

2005-12-03T21:30:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday evening now, it's been a busy week with a fair amount going on.

Thursday j came over to my place around 1045am just as I was getting home from my morning shift at work. We went out and ran a couple errands and then went for lunch on Davie St at the Mongolian BBQ, we love that place the food is good, it's hot and it's quick and the price is right. After lunch we went back to my place for some afternoon delight, j had to get home to pick up her son and I had to get back to work. That evening I went to j's and after we ate supper we went to bed and had more of each other.

Friday morning (5am) came early but the roads were good so I made it back to New West in no time, got changed, cleaned up and headed to work. I got a small surprise when the reindeer bus showed up at Metrotown, it's a bus that the mechanics decorate up as a reindeer, big red nose, antlers and this year a tail. It's got garland and candy canes on the inside and folks seem to love it.

I picked up my son at the ex's place at the usual time and again she was confused about what was going on, we ended up being delayed there for about 20 minutes and that was unfortunate because j's son had a piano recital that we hoped to be at but we were about 30 minutes late for the start and of course j's son had already played.

Saturday morning we slept in for a bit, got up, took the kids to see Santa and get their pictures done then we went to Stanley Park and went on the Christmas train and then back to the Mongolian BBQ for supper. We drove back to j's place then went for Gelato at a favorite place, back to j's and we all started to get ready for bed.

That's about it so far for the weekend.

D

Nov 29, 2005

2005-11-29T20:27:00.000-08:00

Well lets see...j and Iz have talked on the phone a couple times but seeing as j has her kids during the week it's hard for her to get together with anyone. We have discussed getting out for more social stuff and try to meet other couples who would like to get together to play cards, watch movies etc. We love each others company but we'd also like to make some friends we can go out with. There are probably people at the D/s clubs, kink, Sin City, Body Perv and Bio events but I imagine it would be hard to seperate our normal life from our "fun" life, not that daily life with j lacks fun or adventure. I absolutely love j and I'm happiest when I'm with her.

Work is cold, did I mention it's been cold at work?

I've been looking to change jobs with in the company I work for so I'm having to keep my eye on two different web sites plus a job board. Today one of the ladies I work with introduced me to a fellow who recently became the Purchasing manager for the company I work for. He and I spoke briefly and he said I should drop by sometime next week with a resume and we'd talk and he'd see if he could find something for me.

I spoke with my son today ( I phone him everyday) and he was telling me all about the snow, snowball fights etc at school, it sure sounded like he enjoyed it. Tomorrow I pick him up for a few hours after work but they wont be home so I need to pick him up at a church close to the ex's house. I sure hope I can find it. This coming weekend I will pick him up on Friday evening and keep him till Monday morning. We will spend most if not all the weekend with j and her kids. We'll find something for the kids to keep them happy I'm sure but they all get along well so even just some TV and popcorn will keep them pretty happy.

Did I mention it's cold at work?

D

Nov 26, 2005

2005-11-26T21:12:00.000-08:00

Well, it's Saturday and it's been an interesting weekend so far. My ex wife was actually being pleasant so I have to think she's got something planned or she needs something. When we were married every time a discussion didn't go her way she'd accuse me of being manipulative and controlling. In retrospect I should have seen that it was her who was being manipulative but it's taken a couple years of councilling to realize it. I had my son over for a few hours last night and we had a nice visit. My son lives with the ex so I have to pick him up from her place most often. Friday however I was lucky enough to be off work for the afternoon so I left her a message saying I could pick him up at daycare early so she could stay at work etc... I left the message at 3 pm and she didn't get back to me until 5:30pm saying it was okay to do so. I could have picked him up early but if I had done that and she tried to pick him up early there would have been hell to pay. I ended up picking him up a half an hour early but we still managed to have a good visit. The ex is a renter in Burnaby and her landlords put the home up for sale and it recently sold. My ex somehow ended up buying a townhouse, when we split she dropped the news on me that she had run up about $35,000 in debt and of course we had no savings (another surprise). We've only been seperated a year and a half, divorced about 8 months and I can't figure out for the life of me where she came up with the $$ for a downpayment. So here I am paying $515 a month for child support, she's not buying my son new clothes, he goes to school in hand me downs and Value Village stuff. I am living pay cheque to pay cheque and I have to buy him clothes if I want him in new clothes, so I keep the clothes I buy him at my place which is great because again the EX! can't manage to pack a bag for him for a weekend with me. She'd pack him one pair of pants 6 pairs of underwear and 2 pair of socks, forget a shirt etc. Anyway enough ranting.

I started this blog yesterday but am finishing it today, j and I went out on Friday night to a local strip club and had a good time, j had a bit better time than I, seeing as a girl who works at the club got the hots for j and couldn't keep her hands off of her. I went to get some $$ out of the bank machine and when I came back j was over a counter (leaned forward not laying) and she had her top off and this hot little blonde was giving j a massage. After the massage she'd keep coming back to j saying hi etc. I went to the washroom a bit later and came back to a very pleased looking subbie who had lipstick on her cheek. Phone numbers where exchanged and j and I walked home and fucked like crazy. Saturday we got a call from her and were invited back to the club to meet up with her again. We hung out for a couple hours and then went to another club to do some dancing etc, we weren't really into that so we decided to get some food. We ended up with a spicy hot bloody marvelous pizza that we all enjoyed. After we closed down the pizza place we drove Iz back to her car and j walked her to it, they had a nice little good bye kiss and we were asked to join her again Sunday, maybe just hang out and see a movie etc.

Sunday now, j and I had to go to visit and help my mother today, she's pretty dependant on my brother and I to help her out these days. We took my mom out shopping for a coat for herself and some stuff for j's kids and my son. We also shopped for some stuff for us, panties for j and I actually bought two mens thongs (2 for 1) at La Vie En Rose. We hit Wal Mart, Sport Chek, Coast Mtn Sports etc. My mother wanted to take us out for supper so we went to a nice little place in White Rock and had an excellent dinner. After that we went back to my mothers, did some chores for her and then headed back to my place where we watched the last half of The Matrix, which we started watching Saturday night. I've seen it before but j has never seen it and she really enjoyed it. We had a nice quiet evening, j called Iz and said hi, Iz asked if we could get together again later but I have to be up at 5am and j has her life to get back to early am tomorrow. I modeled the thong for j and she did some giggling and grinning, I think she likes it.

D

Nov 25, 2005

2005-11-25T08:49:00.000-08:00

Dealing with two different insurance companies can sure take it's toll on you. I've got a medical dissability and trying to get my health insurance benefits is like pulling teeth. My Dr seems to think that my insurance company is either discriminating against me or is managed by morons. They've lost faxes, lied to me, with held payment for just shy of a month and consistantly refused to return my phone calls.

On a brighter note I flogged girlie last night. I have 3 different floggers that I made, 1 small key chain flogger, a home made riding crop and a home made pin wheel thingy and a plastic cane. We used them all over a short period last night then we made fantastic love. I don't remember my orgasm being so powerful in a very long time, mind you most are like that, she gives me mind blowing, back breaking, skin ripping, teeth tearing orgasms. It's not uncommon for my back to be bleeding from her fingernails, or my shoulder or chest to have bruises from where she bit me. She feels bad about it but I look at them as trophies, something to remember the experience. For the most part we have a great sex life, we usually make love at least six days a week but sometimes more often and some days more than once. If we don't make love it's always because I've fallen a sleep before we get to it.

We went for Thai food last night in Burnaby, a small place on Edmonds across from Value Village called Lhy Thai. The food was fantastic, spicey and sweet and ohhhh so flavourful. The bill was just under $40 for the two of us and we agree it was well worth it.

No plans as of yet for today but I'm sure someone will get penetrated, we'll find some excellent food somewhere and have a great day. It's raining and I have a Dr's appointment in two hours so I guess it's time for a shit, shower and shave.

Blessings, enjoy the day.

D

Nov 22, 2005

2005-11-22T12:39:00.000-08:00

A number of things have been going on the last couple of days so I missed posting here yesterday. After reading j's post from two days ago more than once I've been doing a lot of thinking and a lot less talking. For the record, j means the world to me, she's bright, witty, funny, cute as hell and she has a strong desire to care for the ones she loves. I am lucky enough to be loved by her, and I love her back however with her past j has a less than healthy sense of self worth.

I feel, I know, in my heart j is my soul mate and she says she knows that I am hers. We both have fears though, fears that the other will fall out of love, fears that someone else will catch the others eye, fears that we'll not have the other to grow old with. We both come from very hurtful pasts and find ourselves worried that history will repeat itself.

I struggle with doing what is right. Do I back off on the Dominant side of my nature and focus on nurturing her? Do I try to constantly reassure her or do I lay down the law and expect it to be followed with out question? I am self described as the nicest sadist you'd ever meet and I do believe that. I can be warm, caring, loving, tender and gentle but then break skin with a scalpel blade, all the time talking to j and whispering how beautiful she is and how much I love her. I can let j gag on my cock while she tries desperately to deep throat me, I can stare at her, not making a sound and torture her with the thought that I'm not enjoying her mouth. I want to do what's best for her, what is healthiest for her and she for me. We are stuck, not in a rut but in our seperate pasts. We didn't mean to bring it into this relationship but we did and now we are hurting ourselves. I want to grow old with j and I want her by my side and at my feet until my final breath. We are meant to be as one, I truely believe that.

Is it friday yet?

D

November 20, 2005

2005-11-20T20:47:00.000-08:00

What does one do when a fear manifests itself into something so big, and so real that we cannot control it. Come on, take a guess?!! We talk about it with friends, with lovers, with doctors, with only those people we trust. What happens when our fear is about trust?, then what???

All my life I have been told things(by people I trusted) that things are never as they seem. When good things happen to me, there is an alterior motive, as I am not deserving of the truth as it should be. There is every reason to question, and no reason to believe I am worthy....

Here I find myself battling with those fears, each and everyday of my life. I am in love with a wonderful man/Dominant who treats me well, takes care of me when i am unable to do so, and "seems" to do it because he loves me as much as I do him. When we make love he takes his time to pleassure me, thoroughly, over and over again, and asks for nothing in return other than to see the sweat glistening on my chest, and a smile of utter bliss on my face. When he makes breakfast for me, dinner for me, he does it with a manner that is so overwhelmingly directed at my being happy that I am left wondering ..why? Why is he being so nice to me...why is he treating me so well? What did I do to deserve such a treat?? what did I do to deserve him, and god...when well it all end? It is not him that I doubt as much as my understanding of what it is I could possibly have to offer him. Oh for fuck sakes, I have alot to offer. I am a good person, good morals, and values. I do my best to please him( as best I can), to take care of all his needs. I adore him, and I am utterly devoted to him. SO why the doubt? Why do I doubt myself, and him. I don't really know why, other than it is what I have grown up with all my life. I am trying to get a handle on it. Asking constantly for time, and understanding...and most of all patience. Perhaps it is his patience, his time, and understanding that will eventually fade away, and that is what will cause our love to dissolve. I hope I am wrong. I beg to be wrong. I cannot imagine growing old without him, and I wish I could say I can't see myself growing old alone.

j

Nov 20, 2005

2005-11-20T18:41:00.000-08:00

Took the kids to Stanley Park today, it was foggy and cold but it was a nice day to walk. The kids spent most of the morning playing PS2 and laughing away at each other. I gave Jak and Daxter II a try but I must not be inclined towards that sort of thing.

I've been moody today, not sure why just frustrated with every little thing. The kids drive me crazy by being kids, I'm not sure what I expect of them but I know it shouldn't bother me the way it does. The dog had a shit every two minutes and a piss on alternating minutes, we took 3 bags and should have taken about 40.

The nipples are healing so far so good for j, she has to dress extra warm as the cold really does effect her.

Not much else to say today, hopefully I'll not be so grumpy tomorrow once I'm back to work (oh fun).

D

Nov 19, 2005

2005-11-19T21:12:00.000-08:00

Today was a full day, we delivered some papers (what felt like 800 but was more like 150). We took the kids for gelato and walked around a farmers market and then made our way over to pre purchase our tickets for Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire. We bought popcorn and a pop and a single bag of nibs, grand total of $17 for snacks. If someone tried to sell a bag of popcorn and a pop on Granville street for $12 they'd get shot I'm sure but they get away with it at the theaters. We all enjoyed the movie though and it was classic Harry Potter but a number of things were missing from the book.

We just cleaned j's nipples again, just some sterile saline a few times a day. It's cold so she doesn't like it but of course that just means I enjoy it even more.

Dinner at Pizza Hut and it was alright, we both had lasagne and we both had to send it back as it was barely warm the first time we got it. The second time mine was edible but j's was still just warm and she would rather it was excessively hot than luke warm.

All in all it was a good day, we rented a movie to watch tonight and we'll kick back and enjoy the evening.

Blessings, enjoy your evening

D & j

Nov 18, 2005

2005-11-18T14:02:00.000-08:00

Well we just got back to my place from Elwoods and yes j did get both nipples done. Elwood was awesome, very gentle, and we had a ton of chuckles. He has an exceptionally clean shop and is set up to do mobile piercings so he can come to your house. One thing that appealed to us is that he does piercing parties. We got to talk about a number of similar interests and the topic of mummification came up and he mentioned that he does work shops on it so we may be contacting him again sooner than later about learning the ropes in that area.

All around it was an excellent experience, j seems very happy with her new jewelry and I have to say it looks absolutely delicious on her perky little tits.

Blessings, D

Nov 18, 2005

2005-11-18T09:45:00.000-08:00

Spend the night with girly, we had a nice evening. I got to spend 5 hours with my son before I drove out to j's place. My son and I did a bunch of homework, then we went to a little fish and chip place in New West where he (8 year old boy) ate a full halibut dinner. One of the first times I took my son to j's place we had eaten breakfast at my place then we went to her place to pick her and her two kids up, j was making pancakes for her kids and asked mine if he'd like one, he said sure and proceeded to eat 11 more on top of the 2 I had already made for him.

This morning j got internet installed at home so she'll be able to start posting here as well as just me. I think you'll enjoy her insight into things and her ideas.

This weekend it's our weekend with the kids, tonight my son and I go to a hockey game, his teacher got tickets for the whole class so it should be fun. I'm just waiting for j to come over then we are going to be heading out to Elwoods to get her nipples done. ;-))

We'll let you know later how that went.

D

Nov 17, 2005

2005-11-17T12:01:00.000-08:00

Well even though it's my holidays I have to go to work today and sign up for my work over the winter. Good thing I didn't go out of town. We have to book our holidays in September for the following year so we never really know if we are going to be on holidays when it's time for us to choose our quarterly work schedule.

I took my mother to j's for supper last night, j really put on a nice dinner. My mother was very happy to get out of her house, my step father passed away just two weeks ago. My mother was particularly entertained by j's daughter who just talked up a storm with "Nana".

Our dinner was a wonderful Stuffed Pork Roast with baked potatos, beans and mushrooms and onions with some wonderful buns. I was really impressed with the job j did. She's a great cook anyway but this was as wonderful a meal as I've had bar none.

After I picked up my mother, drove her to j's then drove her home then back to j's I ended up putting just over 250kms on my car. We watched a bit of TV last night then went to bed and slept like we hadn't slept for years.

This am j took her kids to school again, climbed back into bed and we had a nice cuddle then we did some kissing and the sex was just plain wonderful again. I had a quick shower and had to run but j had a lunch ready for me and a snack. I didn't bring my travel coffee cup so she couldn't give me a cup of coffee but if I had brought it she would have made sure I was loaded up with java. She treats me like a king.

This afternoon I pick up my son at his school then have him till 8PM, then I'll head out to j's again tonight and I am anticipating a lot more lovin and squeezing and some spanking and some pinching and some ..... Oh my... I better get to work.

Edit: We've got an appointment for tomorrow at noon with Elwood to get girlies nipples done.

D

Nov 16, 2005

2005-11-16T11:08:00.000-08:00

Well it's earlier today than when I'd normally make an entry but I'm going to pick up my mother today and take her to j's for dinner. It will be a fairly long day as I have to drive about 1/2 and hour to my mothers, then it will be about a 45 min drive to j's then later another 45 min drive to get my mother back to her place then another 45 min drive back to j's (assuming I'll spend the night).

I sent off an email to "All About Elwood" j wants to get her nipples pierced and Elwood came highly recommended by our friend Jennifer from Libido Events, check out her link and try one of her seminars.

Blessings, enjoy the day

D

Nov 15, 2005

2005-11-15T22:26:00.000-08:00

Today was a great day for the most part. I spent it with girly and she let me sleep in. While I was sawing logs she got up, made her kids breakfast and then took them to school and when she got back she climbed back into bed with me and we slept in. The night before she got a bit lippy and ended up getting spanked with my belt, although she whined about it she certainly seemed more relaxed and content (think cheshire cat).

We had to do some grocery shopping etc and while we were at the bulk discount place we found a lovely orchid so we bought that. I've been growing and keeping orchids for years so we've got a good base for the care. At one point I had nearly 100 orchids growing in an indoor green room with metal halide light etc.

Tonight I had to come home, I pick up my son in the morning 3 days a week and I bring him to my place, feed him breakfast and then take him to school.

Yesterday while driving out to j's home I noticed a lady and her son walking their Whippet, j and I have a lovely Whippet and so when I pointed it out to our dog he got very excited so I honked and waved. They flagged me over and our dogs got to play for a few minutes together. Their dog was a lovely little female, her and our male (Cisco) got to play together for a bit and they had a great time.

We stopped at an adult store yeterday evening and bought an inexpensive vibrating cock ring to try out. I'll try to make a section where we can comment on products like this but if not I'll do it on our web page, anyway I guess it's time to go.

Blessings D

2005-11-14T10:15:00.000-08:00

D The Beast

2005-11-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

j the beauty

Sex educator and activist

2005-11-14T08:36:00.000-08:00

We got permission from Jennifer at Libido Events to post her information so here goes, check out her website and her blog. We are looking forward to some of her workshops and parties.
http://www.libidoevents.com/pages/1/index.htm Jennifers website
http://libidoevents.blogspot.com/ Jennifers Blogspot

D&j

Welcome to our Blog

2005-11-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

We had a blog for just a couple of days on yahoo but there was a problem and now we can't access it. We will move everything over or repost it all as we can. I hope you find our blog informative and entertaining. Feel free to contact us through email at any time or comment on our blog itself.

D&j

Entry for November 13, 2005

2005-11-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

Entry for November 13, 2005
Well, girly and I went to Sin City last night. Sin City is an alternative lifestyle party held in downtown Vancouver. It is host to every different gender bending, x dressing, bisexual, heterosexual, goth, leather, PVC, underwear, overwear, duct tape, electrical tape, bondage, S&M, D&s lifestyles where people can just have a good old fashion great time. People dress as angels, devils, nuns, priests, hookers, Xena. Some people wear their underwear, some wear their spouses underwear. Some wear loin cloths, some wear a towel.
We had a great time, we met a lady who runs an alternative sex education resource. We've seen her a number of times before and said hi but last night we more or less got busted... We literally crashed into each other out side the dungeon and well with her being topless etc etc.. Anyway she had the coolest toy, a cattle prod. She was giving consenting people a little zap and girly almost had to tackle her to give it a try. She obliged and girly let out a scream and then asked for more, and more and more.... The lady asked me if I'd like to try and I had to admit that I'm a sissy, chicken, coward when it comes to pain. She smiled and said Oh come on.. how bad can it be if your girl liked it so..... anyway... Shit I don't like cattle prods, I got zapped on the back of the calf and I thought my whole leg would fall off. We met up with her again upstairs and girly was eager to show her appreciation so while sucking on the ladies nipples girly got about a half dozen more zaps.
We will post her information asap but we want to ask her first.
This morning we did some cuddling and some incredible fucking/lovemaking. Afterwards girly commented on how "All" men seem to veg out etc after they've had their O. Out came the home made pin wheel on a cane and the riding crop. Soon girly's ass had dried crusted blood on it and she was content again.
Tonight girly goes home (a 20 min drive from my place) and I'll be staying at my place. Next week should be a good week, I'm on holidays so I'm sure girly and I can get into some trouble.
D

Entry for November 12, 2005

2005-11-12T08:32:00.000-08:00

Piercings:
girly has the clitoral and navel and is asking to have both nipples done. I had mine done about a year ago and although it felt amazing I had some complications. Every time j tried to put her arm over me in bed she'd turn the ring upwards (opposite of how it would hang). This would re open any scabbing or healing and I was constantly having issues with discharge. I ended up removing it after only about 4-6 months.
Tell us about your experience with nipple piercings, good or bad.
Thanks for reading our blog.
D&j